I never really believed in God, until I took college chemistry and biology classes.
If you had asked me before I took those classes if I believed in God, I would have said yes; but, it would have been an automatic, yet very conscious reply. Yes, I believe in God was the answer that anyone who asked me that question expected to hear, so that was the answer they got. Anything less, any hint of a question or doubt carries the heavy burden of stigma. There are not many who are strong enough to carry that burden, so, I too, kept my doubt to myself.
Real belief, that moment when our soul feels the rapture of a spiritual crossing over to a new and true understanding of what our existence represents, which we are told we will experience at the time of our salvation according to Christian doctrine, didn't happen to me until I studied chemistry. Even though I pretended that I did, I didn't have a blind faith in God. My thoughts were that I did; I wanted to believe, but my heart just didn't feel it.
One day, when I was studying chemistry and learning how electrons, protons, and neutrons interact within the nucleus of an atom, the most basic element of matter, two things struck me.
First, scientists know how reactions and bonding take place within a molecule, how subatomic particles work within atoms, what the job of each electron, proton, and neutron within an atom is, and why they work that way. But, no one knows how these subatomic particles know how to do the jobs they do. Enlightenment! There must be an intelligence that designed these building blocks of all matter and then set them into motion. As I studied more in depth, it became apparent that the complexities of chemistry are no accident.
The second thing that struck me was the law of energy. The law of energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change form. That translates to eternal life.
At this point, I really believed in God!
My mind was given the opportunity to translate an understanding to my heart. The result was a rejoicing in my spirit. It felt as if my spirit was relieved that my understanding had taken place, the knotted up ball of twine was finally unraveled, and I was at peace. I was excited and soothed at the same time to finally feel the existence of God! Peace is salvation.
Biology also played a big roll in deepening my understanding of God's existence, but, I'll talk more about that in another blog.
If the study of Chemistry and Biology seems like an unlikely path to take toward real faith, think about it; it is the study of God's creation.
A book outside of science that has helped me grow in my faith is Betty Eadie's Embraced by the Light. Mrs. Eadie died after an operation, but was revived. In this book she tells about her experience while her spirit was temporarily separated from her body. This book was a New York Times Bestseller.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Favorite Memories
As Mother's Day approaches, I am flooded with memories of my Grandmother ( the woman who mothered and nurtured me). My biological mother gave birth to me when she was fifteen, and with the situation being what it was, left me with my Grandparents for the first eleven years of my life (thank God). My younger brother and sister were not as fortunate, my mother kept them with her, and they both have the mental and emotional scars to prove it. My mother was not the abuser, my biological father takes the credit for that; my mother was the neglector. At this point in my life, I am able to see that she just did not have the skills or the maturity to deal with the situation, so she ignored her responsibilities to her children.
When Mother's Day rolls around each year, My Grandmother's memory comes and envelopes me like a soft, warm blanket on a cool Autumn night.
One of the best times that she and I shared was after I was grown and well into my thirties. My two children were at their father's home for the weekend for their visitation, and I, as always, was invited to stay with her. She moved into an apartment after my grandfather died, but she was either at my house, or I was at hers every weekend. This weekend was starting out to be an extraordinarily beautiful one. It was way down in November, the leaves were at their peak of color (Georgia peaks in November), the air was Indian Summer warm, and the sky was the crispest, clear blue I can ever remember. After I dropped the kids off at their Dad's, I began to feel the excitement of the moment welling up inside me. Now that I was childless for the weekend, I began to feel like a child on my way to my Grandmother's home.
With a burst of in the moment energy, I opened my grandmother's door and told her to go pack a bag. She didn't question or hesitate, she just grinned and packed. We took off that Friday evening and ended up in the Smoky Mountains. We found a cheap hotel, stashed our stuff, and went out exploring. We ate junk food while sitting on a bench on the sidewalk outside the restaurant, and then followed that with a big ice cream cone. We found a Country Music Show (her favorite) that was playing in one of the Hotel convention rooms, bought the last two tickets and ducked in. We sang along, clapped our hands, and laughed our heads off at the Hee Haw type comedian that opened the show. Next morning, we lingered over our coffee and breakfast at the Cracker Barrel (a southern cooking lovers must when one travels in the South), and then took off driving over the mountains. The sky was sapphire blue, and the leaves were gold, orange, and red at the base of the mountains. As we ascended, we began to see a dusting of snow on the fallen leaves, until we neared the top where the snow was blanketing the trees, rooftops, and the ground. As we drove along, a deer darted from the side of the road, and back into the safety of the forest here and there. We felt as if we were in an Autumn wonder-land. The next morning we headed home, after another Cracker Barrel breakfast, and we talked about all the fun we had all the way home.
I had began that weekend feeling like a child again, being without the responsibility of my children for the weekend and alone in my grandmother's care; however, my grandmother too enjoyed the luxury of feeling like a child in that unforgettable Autumn wonder-land. In that perfect moment in time, we were children together. We bonded that weekend in a way that we hadn't before, and I will forever hold that memory precious in my heart.
When Mother's Day rolls around each year, My Grandmother's memory comes and envelopes me like a soft, warm blanket on a cool Autumn night.
One of the best times that she and I shared was after I was grown and well into my thirties. My two children were at their father's home for the weekend for their visitation, and I, as always, was invited to stay with her. She moved into an apartment after my grandfather died, but she was either at my house, or I was at hers every weekend. This weekend was starting out to be an extraordinarily beautiful one. It was way down in November, the leaves were at their peak of color (Georgia peaks in November), the air was Indian Summer warm, and the sky was the crispest, clear blue I can ever remember. After I dropped the kids off at their Dad's, I began to feel the excitement of the moment welling up inside me. Now that I was childless for the weekend, I began to feel like a child on my way to my Grandmother's home.
With a burst of in the moment energy, I opened my grandmother's door and told her to go pack a bag. She didn't question or hesitate, she just grinned and packed. We took off that Friday evening and ended up in the Smoky Mountains. We found a cheap hotel, stashed our stuff, and went out exploring. We ate junk food while sitting on a bench on the sidewalk outside the restaurant, and then followed that with a big ice cream cone. We found a Country Music Show (her favorite) that was playing in one of the Hotel convention rooms, bought the last two tickets and ducked in. We sang along, clapped our hands, and laughed our heads off at the Hee Haw type comedian that opened the show. Next morning, we lingered over our coffee and breakfast at the Cracker Barrel (a southern cooking lovers must when one travels in the South), and then took off driving over the mountains. The sky was sapphire blue, and the leaves were gold, orange, and red at the base of the mountains. As we ascended, we began to see a dusting of snow on the fallen leaves, until we neared the top where the snow was blanketing the trees, rooftops, and the ground. As we drove along, a deer darted from the side of the road, and back into the safety of the forest here and there. We felt as if we were in an Autumn wonder-land. The next morning we headed home, after another Cracker Barrel breakfast, and we talked about all the fun we had all the way home.
I had began that weekend feeling like a child again, being without the responsibility of my children for the weekend and alone in my grandmother's care; however, my grandmother too enjoyed the luxury of feeling like a child in that unforgettable Autumn wonder-land. In that perfect moment in time, we were children together. We bonded that weekend in a way that we hadn't before, and I will forever hold that memory precious in my heart.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Bernie Madoff (my first blog)
I know you may not believe this, but, this is my first time to "Blog." I'll admit that I have read a few blogs, but, I don't think that counts as actual blogging; so, please be gentle with the comments, as they will be my first. The issues that are important enough to me to stand up on my soapbox and sound off to the world about range from the trivialities of everyday life, to the deep, dark, tangled up knot that our political leaders have tied the world in. When I blog, I will try to stay on a positive note, as not to lend anymore negative energy to the issues, but, I promise to state my views honestly. Since this is my first time, I will open with a trivial issue to address. Manners, although I don't count them as trivial, may seem trivial in the scope of world issues; but, I believe the decline of just plain old good manners, is a huge contributing factor in the way our world has become a colder place to live. For instance, if Mr. Bernie Madoff had just been in touch with the core concept of good manners (do unto others as you would have done unto yourself) then he would have never considered committing those inconceivable acts of greed. Greed was at the Heart Of the Matter of his all encompassing need to fill a void within his soul. His actions towards the one's who trusted him only served to make his void deeper.
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